Sometimes, it’s not even what they say, it’s what they don’t say. You notice the way they stop lighting up when you ask how practice went, or how they start dragging their feet to get ready for a game they used to love.

I remember when my son was unexpectedly moved to the bottom of the batting order and sat out every other inning. He didn’t complain. He didn’t cry. But his passion quietly faded, replaced by excuses to skip practice. And the hardest part? Not knowing exactly what was going through his mind.

When coaches don’t communicate their decision in youth sports playing time, kids are left to fill in the blanks. And when you’re young, those blanks are often filled with self-doubt: I’m not good enough. The coach doesn’t like me. I’ll never get better.

Why Communication Matters When Cutting Youth Sports Playing Time?

1. It Protects Confidence and Motivation

When kids are benched without explanation, they often assume the worst. A short, honest conversation can change everything. Hearing something like, “You’re improving in some areas, but I’d like you to work on X, Y, and Z before I can give you more time,” keeps the focus on growth, not rejection. It tells them, You belong here. You can get there.

2. It Builds Trust Between Coach and Player

Clear, respectful communication shows kids that their coach values them enough to be open. When they trust their coach, they’re more likely to ask questions, take feedback, and stay engaged even when it’s tough.

3. It Teaches Accountability and Develops a Growth Mindset

When a coach explains what needs to change and partners with the athlete to make it happen, it teaches one of life’s most important lessons: improvement is possible, but it takes work.

4. It Keeps the Love for the Game Alive

When playing time changes without explanation, resentment can creep in. Communication can be the difference between a kid quietly quitting and a kid digging in to grow.

What Parents Can Do When Coaches Don’t Communicate 

Ideally, coaches speak directly to players about their role on the team. But if that doesn’t happen, our instinct as parents is often to jump in and email the coach, sign them up for extra training, or try to “fix” it.

Here’s the truth: youth sports playing time can be powerful teaching opportunities if we let them be.

That doesn’t mean leaving your child to struggle alone. It means guiding them toward self-awareness, helping them process disappointment, and showing them how to advocate for themselves.

Step One: Help Them Name the Feeling

Not every child will walk through the door and say, “I’m upset I didn’t get to play.” Some will act like they don’t care. Others might get quiet or distracted. A gentle check-in can help: “You seem a little off—are you feeling disappointed about not playing as much?”

Even if they shrug, you’ve given them language for what they’re feeling. Naming the emotion is the first step toward managing it.

Step Two: Validate, Then Guide Toward Action

If they open up, whether through tears, frustration, or anger, listen without rushing to fix it. Let them know it’s okay to feel that way. Then, shift the conversation toward what they can do next.

Letting Your Child Take the Lead

When something feels unfair, our first instinct is to protect our kids. But giving them space to lead builds confidence and life skills they’ll use far beyond sports.

Ask open-ended questions like:

• What would you like to see happen?
• Do you want to talk to your coach?
• Would you like help figuring out what to say?

If they’re open to it, role-play the conversation. Switch roles so they can practice speaking up respectfully and asking for feedback. For example:

• “Coach, I’ve noticed I’m not playing as much lately. Can you tell me what I can work on?”
• “I want to help the team. What’s one thing I should focus on?”

They may not choose to have that conversation right away, and that’s okay. The goal is to give them the tools, not to push them into using them before they’re ready.